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Tuesday, 15 June 2010

  • What I do...

    I need to get something else off my chest.. Sorry.

    I recently have had some conversations with people about my idea of going back to school this fall. It's PROBABLY not going to happen, for financial reasons. But what's bothering me is all the reactions I'm getting...

    For the most part, my friends say, "Oh, good idea Michelle! That will really help you stay busy while Marty's gone. I know I could never sit at home all day..."

    I would much rather a response like, "Oh, wonderful! I'm glad you're going to do that - I know there are so many things you're interested in studying!"

    You know, contrary to popular opinion, I don't laze about the house all day. I don't need more stuff to fill up my days so I'm not bored. GRANTED, I don't get out of the house much, but I don't really consider school "getting out" anyway, and even when I do get back into school I will be doing a lot of it online.

    Which all leads to something else that's been on my mind...

    I don't know how to explain to people what I do, how I spend my time. I've been asked quite a bit recently, and I find myself stumbling all over the place going "Well...uh..." I do a lot, though. I do!

    • I'm writing multiple times a week for my blog Ocipura.com
    • I'm recording most days for Marty's & my vlog on YouTube
    • I have to edit the videos for YouTube
    • I try to keep up with my Twitter and Facebook page to bring consistent traffic to Ocipura.com and to YouTube because I'm still TRYING to generate some income from that, despite that looking kind of hopeless
    • I make Avon deliveries weekly and try to keep up with handing out brochures each campaign
    • I try to read/watch and comment on various blogs and vlogs so that I can 1) drive more traffic to Ocipura.com, 2) keep up with friends I don't live close to, and 3) create relationships, especially with other Military Spouses
    • I keep track of our finances, including budgeting, trying to save money, tracking expenses, etc., and this takes some time.
    • I usually do the grocery shopping alone, on my own time, either while Marty is at work or on the field
    • I do the vast majority of the housekeeping, including some laundry & dishes nearly every single day
    • I am trying to toilet train my cat, and he requires a lot of supervision, and sometimes a lot of cleaning-up-after
    • I am editing a novel that I hope one day to publish
    • I write every day at 750words.com  to keep me thinking like a writer
    • I write in my private journal almost every day so that I can remember things I would otherwise forget, and so that Marty can have a better idea of what I go through day-to-day when he's gone
    • I try to keep up with birthdays and special occasions so we can send cards, and I try to maintain relationships with my family, mainly through email since they're so far away
    • I am trying to lose weight, so I have to take precious time out of my day to work out, to track my calories, etc
    • I am trying to study foreign languages through Rosetta Stone (first, I am refreshing my memory on French, but after that Marty and I want to study Spanish together, and I really want to learn Dutch, the national language of the country in which I was born and also my dad's first language)

    What do I do for myself that I don't consider work? Well, I mess around on Facebook, keeping up with friends. That's not work. I also play the Sims or some other game sometimes. I read, usually in bed before sleeping. And I spend as much time as possible with my hubby when he's home.

    Does it sound as if I need more to keep me busy? What I really need is more self-discipline, to get the stuff done that's already on my plate! Yeah, I want to go back to school when I'm able to. But not because I'm bored. And not because I sit around at the house all day with nothing to do. Just because I don't have a job outside the home doesn't mean that I'm lazy!

Thursday, 10 June 2010

  • Not Really Here

    I'm not really here... You don't see me. *shhhh*  I don't really use Xanga anymore, except for those times I remember to stop by and read a few blogs.. But I needed an outlet today for something that's on my mind...

    I feel friendless. In a way, I almost am. I've been friendless before, so it's not really new. I just wish it were easier for me.. it's so EASY for some people!

    I feel... loads and tons of neverending love and appreciation from my husband.

    But he's my only source.

    The friends I used to text with a lot no longer have an interest in texting me... The friends I used to hang out with, I'm now too far away to hang out with. The friends that used to get me now seem to be separated from me somewhat by this Army thing. And the friendships I still have and maintain feel SHALLOW. I try so hard to care for them, but they don't share their lives with me...

    And they don't seem to want me to share my life with them either. Not even my friends are interested in my blog at Ocipura.com for the most part, even though I'm going to keep doing it because I enjoy it... Not even my friends seem interested in Marty's and my Vlog on Youtube... Or in basically anything I do.

    I try to keep myself busy during the week doing things I enjoy, things I'm passionate about, so that I can feel productive.. but I don't know HOW to share those things with people when they look at me and seem to see ...laziness. Gosh, my old friends sure perked up when I mentioned I might try to take some classes in the fall. Like yeah, Michelle, that's just what you need! I don't know how you can stand just sitting around the house all day! Good for you! God back to school! <--- None of that was how I saw it, but I just shrugged it off...

    Two friends, that I thought were good friends, are getting married within the next year...and I wasn't asked to be a part of either wedding. I try not to take it personally, but ...

    My "adoptive mom" no longer has time for me.. When I email her, I get short nothings in response...

    My real mom... I don't even know. She said she would enjoy it if Marty and I had a vlog, but she never watches. She doesn't read my blog. She doesn't email or call... She can only spare three days to visit me on their trip to Texas this month.. and they didn't even bother to try and arrange the trip so that my husband could be around for it...even though I TOLD THEM he'd be gone in June, and there was no reason they had to come in June...

    The few local friends I thought I was making.. I just don't know how to make those relationships grow. Chelsea... I've tried.. Maybe not as hard as I could have, but I'm shy, and I've put forth an effort! I had Chelsea and Kim over for a movie night the last time our husbands were gone... But she's on facebook talking about going to the gym with her "girls," and meanwhile I'm alone, going to a different gym on the same post on the same days.. I don't even WANT to go to the gym with anyone...that would be very awkward for me... but I mean.. I just..feel left out. And Jazmin has kids, and ... IDK..

    It's not good for Marty to be the only one I have... Half of me says try harder, and the other half says give up.. I just.. am lonely I guess.

    Marty's all I seem to have lately, and he's gone for 3 weeks, so that is probably making it feel a lot worse than it would otherwise.

Monday, 03 May 2010

  • Migrating

    If you haven't already guessed, I'm not going to be updating Xanga much anymore. Nevermind the fact that my last entry had only one view (me). With my daily writing on 750words.com, my 3/week blog posts on Ocipura.com, and my new vlogging endeavor on YouTube, there just doesn't seem to be much need to update Xanga. For the 4 of you who do occasionally read, I'd still love to keep in contact via Facebook, Twitter, or my website Ocipura.com. I hope you look me up. I'll be stopping by to read your blogs, of course.

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Monday, 12 April 2010

  • UGH! I'm having trouble thinking about what to write in my problog for tomorrow's post.

    I don't know what to write here either.

    I want a baby so bad. Thinking about it recently, I think that the URGE became stronger and more prominent back when I thought I might BE pregnant, despite birth control. I had quite a few things that I thought were symptoms. Gosh, I knew it was pretty much impossible, but it got my hopes up so high, I thought it really could be true. It was a big let down to find out that I wasn't pregnant after all. Now I'm going nuts trying to be patient because Marty and I AGREED that we BOTH wanted to wait a year or two before having kids. We've only been married a week shy of 6 months, and it's probably too soon to start trying, even though half my mind tries to say well, if we got pregnant now, the baby wouldn't be born until 3 months after our first anniversary...

    I'm having so much trouble being patient. I'm throwing myself into trying to lose weight 100% now. I want to be at a healthier weight when I DO finally have kids because I want to be able to keep up with them and not be considered a "high risk" pregnancy... I thought if I concentrated on that wholeheartedly, I could 1) make some progress before our anniversary and 2) keep my mind off this whole baby thing for a while, hold my tongue about it till after our anniversary, and THEN gently approach hubby about starting to try for a baby.

    But it doesn't seem that concentrating on weight loss is keeping my mind off the baby thing at ALL.

    In other news, Marty told his squad leader that he was disappointed he would be still on the field for our 6 month anniversary next Saturday, so the squad leader arranged for Marty to come home for about 3 hrs this past Saturday (that was his surprise). It was really nice to see him. Hopefully it will be a little easier to last until he comes home on the 18th and not be so lonely.

    I'm STILL trying to get my hair white. I went to church this weekend and was REALLY bummed out at the number of people who called it gray, or said they thought I was Colleen (gray haired lady - my adoptive mother kinda) at first glance. A couple people said purple, but most said nothing or gray. Sigh. One asked when I got so old. I was like..thx a lot guys.

    If you're my friend on Facebook, you've already seen these pics:

     
     
     




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ocipura

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    • Name: Michelle "Michy"
    • Location: Texas
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 10/17/2003

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About Me

  • I'm a 23 year old army wife, living on base with my husband. No kids yet! I am an AVON Ind. Sls. Rep. (www.youravon.com/mmartinez5204) and a homemaker. I'm a Christian, a musician, an artist, a writer... :-)